Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Faith and My New Bag.
My faith is SO small it must make God laugh. I mean He has gotten us this far? Why do I doubt :)
So last week a Mom adopting from the same orphanage contacted me and was excited that "I" was matched with us. WHAT? We aren't matched. Which sent me into PRAYER mode for "I". If he's ours let this be wrong news. If he isn't ours and this news is true let me PLEASE be okay with it. And my Mama's heart hurt. I was NOT ready to let him go!! Through a few emails I was beginning to think we were in fact talking about 2 different boys. She apologized for scaring me and that we needed to hear from our agency and see what they say. So that we would know for sure :)
So we waited. And waited through the weekend, an in the process adoptive parents worst night mare!! THE DREADED WE WILL GET NO NEWS weekend LOL!!!!
Yesterday a couple friends and I hit the thrift stores and this bag caught my eye. Honestly I have a bag sickness ;) The FIRST thing that I thought was "this would make a nice carry on to India". I left it there. We shopped and shopped and shopped. I went back for the bag and my heart sank when I couldn't find it again. THEN there is was! I picked it up. My friend "Oooh I like! Whatcha need that for?" I said "My trip to India" :) But felt really weird saying it know we still had NO official word on "I" OR even approval from wacap.
So we get home wash up the bag and I wonder "Will we go to India again?" And I put it aside.
Then this morning I wake up to an email form wacap.......Ashraya says he is NOT matched that they are aware AND wacap said YES!!!! WOOHOO God!!!!!!!
Which leads me to our next "I need God to talk to us" We have differing opinions on how to pay for the home study :) I say taxes, he says God. And that my friends is REALLY hard for me. To leave it ALL up to Him. Can He do it? YES. Without a question. But I have this nagging fear. He does it for OTHER people and not us. Hubby says that God will only honor our request... providing they are IN His will.....if we pay down our debts. With taxes all we would have left is van payment. That's it. BUT no $ for the home study. Hubby want God to do it. Pay for it all. For God to get ALL the glory. For this to be SO GOD!!!
Can He do it? Yes I believe with out question He can.
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
I just want to wait and when He supplies the money I will send those checks LOL!!! I suppose faith doesn't really work like that though huh?
Right now my Momma gut says HE will come home. How? When? Those are questions I don't have answers for. But Praise the Lord I know who does!!!